explicit

Warning - the following post contains explicit language and harsh truths.

Let me tell you something.
It felt so good to tell her the truth.

That girl needed to hear the truth about you ages ago, and you promised and promised that you would tell it to her. Yeah well, you didn't. So someone else did.

You lied to her just like you've lied to everybody else. Hell, even I fell for the act for a while.

You're a selfish bastard, and you play everyone around you for a fool.

(amusing side thought - my father gave me this pearl of wisdom today:
"Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, SCREW YOU!")

You love your movies and you felt like you were a fucking Casanova. Look back on our history, honey. I had you when I wanted you and you weren't around when I didn't need you. I was fine with the way we played the game, but all you did to that awesome girl was fuck with her head.

No more, you bastard. You're done. You'll probably run off and find some innocent, naive girl to believe your lies, but at least I've saved this girl any further heartache. I just wish I had talked to her years ago. She should have known about you from the start.

You got lonely, you missed being loved. So rather than sacrifice your selfish habits and actually fucking take care of the girl, you decided to pull another movie maneuver, swoop in and tell her you're a "changed man," and make sure she stays with you till you come home. Guess what? We've all heard your shit before. "I didn't know what I was doing before, but then my world crashed down (how many times is your world gonna crash, huh?) and I got a new perspective and it's all clear now - you're the one for me." BLAH BLAH FRICKIN BLAH.

And you know what? She had no problem believing it when I told her. She knew deep in her heart what you were doing, but she cared about you so much that she turned a blind eye to it until she heard it from someone else. You struck a goldmine with that girl, and yet you still whored yourself around and left her wondering. Idiot.

She's better off without you.
I'm done with you. I feel so much better now.



QOTD: Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, SCREW YOU!
- Daddy

Damnit.

I got the call from Erin at UCLA.

The tests came back

NEGATIVE.

I'm so annoyed with that.

(time for the sciency stuff)

My Connexin 26 and Connexin 30 genes are normal. Which means that they still have no idea why I can't #&@%ing hear.

Damnit.

Damnit Damnit Damnit.

All I have ever wanted was just to have some sort of reason for all of this. Something concrete like "well your parents both carried a recessive gene that caused a mutation in your Connexin 26 gene which resulted in your hearing loss." Basically, I wanted to hear that I was a mutant. But no, they tell me I'm normal.

So much for clarity.

I'm going to go stare off into space now.

QOTD: "Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal."

They're In! They're In! They're In!

THE RESULTS ARE IN!!!

But I can't see them yet because Erin is in CLINIC for the afternoon.

BAH!

weekend

The sun was nice enough to come out on Friday and Saturday. Spent both of those days at the beach with Lizzie (mommy joined on Saturday).

Friday night was Peter Gabriel with Richard n' family at the Hollywood Bowl.

It.
Was.
AMAZING.

Loved the show, loved being there with Richard even more.

Sorry, cheesy.

Saturday night was take-out dinner and a movie at home with Richard - he fell asleep about halfway through the movie snuggled up on me. Such a cutie.

Mother's day was busy but awesome - buying candles, visiting Janene, brunch with Mommy, then dinner with Monika (Richard's mommy) in the evening. SO much food and SO much fun :)

Back at work today - weather is no longer lovely so I'm not so upset about being inside.

Hopefully there will be pictures from this weekend coming soon!

QOTD: Well behaved women seldom make history

Back to it

Over the years, I've tried to keep up blogs, journals, diaries, and just about every other type of "feelings on a page" thing you could imagine. I couldn't stick to any of them. I think I finally realized my problem - for so long, I thought that a journal entry had to be long and poetic and insightful. But not every day of life warrants a long poetic entry. A friend of mine has a blog, and sometimes there are long detailed entries about important events, but sometimes there is no more than a picture or a single sentence. I like that idea.

So I'll start with this:

I have a new goal.

At least twice per week (hopefully more) I am going to go home from work, walk down to the lifeguard tower at 56th, and sit there and write a journal entry on my phone.

Maybe I'll start tonight. If I do, you'll hear from me then.

Adios for now.

QOTD: "...people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."